Statistically Fine
On absent fathers, patchwork villages, and blue frosting on an ecru sofa
It’s Mother’s Day.
Which means today’s newsletter is about my father.
Stay with me.
Daddy Issues
I have mommy issues.
How often have we actually heard someone say that phrase? Let’s be honest. Exactly. Never. Daddy issues got all the PR.
I’m no exception. Although honestly, writing it like that feels wrong. He has the issues. I just inherited some because he never dealt with his own.
Without turning this into a full childhood retrospective, I’ll give one medium-rare example.
My father forgetting my birthday. Not my siblings’. Just mine, the oldest. At this point it’s less a mistake and more part of his core branding.
When I turned eleven, we were already a full minute into a phone call before I realized he had absolutely no idea it was my birthday. I still remember the feeling. Not heartbreak exactly. More like recognition. Ah. Right. This again.
Since then, birthdays have had a weird undertone for me. Not because I expect fireworks. We’re adults. Everyone’s tired. Most people are rawdogging birthday dates with memory and luck instead of a proper calendar system.
Still. Your closest family should know. Some of them were literally there that day.
A month ago I turned 20-something and got absolutely nothing from my father. No message. No call. Weeks later, still nothing.
Two weeks before my birthday, my toddler turned two.
Somewhere between blowing up balloons and cleaning peanut butter off our ecru sofa, courtesy of my toddler, my thoughts drifted there again
Would his grandpa forget his birthday too?
He did.
And while I was cleaning the peanut butter off the sofa, I felt genuinely angry. Not because of the sofa.
Because once you become a parent yourself, it stops feeling like just your problem.
Unhinged Recipes
Dipped
Dips, I love them. Maybe because I’m half Egyptian, or maybe because dips are just that good.
I had friends over for brunch, and this labneh thing was the show stopper. Mainly because it looks difficult, tastes great, and involves absolutely no Nara Smith production.
I put Greek yoghurt in a cheesecloth - who am I kidding, I don’t own one - so I used an unused cotton baby cloth, added salt, and let it drip overnight.
Next day: thick burrata-looking labneh. Added lemon juice and peel, pomegranate, crushed pistachio.
Everyone was impressed. The dip was dipped.
Elevator Mom Diaries
A Marketing Tool
Out of breath, I’m walking up our so-not-elevator again - really just steep Amsterdam canal stairs that become a full-body workout the moment you have a child. I’m going upstairs to release my mother-in-law from toddler duty.
With me: a huge block of extremely old crumbly cheese, because we’re Dutch, two framed family photos, a handwritten card, and a big bold bouquet. Mother’s Day gifts.
A holiday invented by corporations, which happens to be today. Pre-kids, I had strong opinions about manufactured holidays, and yet now that I have a child, I’m suddenly deeply invested in anything that buys me more time with my family.
The gifts aren’t for me. They’re not from my son to me either. Since my husband is a loyal Sunday reader, I’m trusting he’s reading this in time to handle my son’s ide of things.
The gifts - they’re for her. Because before I receive anything myself, I’m climbing four flights of canal stairs to deliver Mother’s Day to someone who didn’t have to mother me, and did anyway.
Ping - no, wait. Stairs.
She opens the door. Looks at the cheese first, then the flowers, and smiles.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Outro
By now you can probably guess I won’t be organising anything for Father’s Day. At least not for my father.
Mother’s Day is different.
My mum isn’t here anymore, but patchwork villages are real. My mother-in-law and my best friend’s mum have made me feel less motherless in ways they probably don’t even realize.
Turns out motherhood still found me anyway.
Honestly, three mums and one absent father feels statistically fine.
Enjoy reading lovelies!
Sorry about the absent father, that sucks, can also relate! But mothers are everything anyway ;)
Will give u more Egyptian dips receipes ;)